As I face adulthood, in order to survive, I have learned to subvert my expectations and repress frustration when my expectations are not met. I have told myself repeatedly that when I expect little of someone, there is limited opportunities for them to fail you. I also believe that the individuals who are so meaningful in my life that are the ones who satisfy me in ways beyond anything I could have imagined.
However, despite all my rationale to prepare for any disappointments, some have just devastated me by not fulfilling the expectations I did not know existed. Recently my sense of estrangement from my mother has been so physically, spiritually, and emotionally isolating. I have reverted to being a child, but I feel as though I have not learned yet how to scream. I am fundamentally torn between my responsibility to honor her and my deep desire to cower in pain, blocking her away. I continue to talk to her in complete pain.
There is something innocent and pure in the expression of pain, frustration, and fear. Is it possible to be in a group and express these emotions fully, and conversely could you ever truly be in a group and not express such emotions? What is the benefit of emotions, and can it truly add to a group experience?
